Fifty Shades of Grey is out there in movie form, it’s about to be absorbed by millions, and absorbed once again by many millions more. But what does this mean to you?
There are countless articles around about 50 Shades, which is why I have refrained from writing about it. But this evening I was thinking about what the story means to us Dom men of the world, and that is something worth writing about.
Before I get into this, let’s go over everything you need to know about the book.
Everything a man needs to know about 50 Shades of Grey
The book itself started as Twilight (yeah, that glittery vampire crap) fan fiction, before finding its way into a best-selling novel. As you can imagine, the book is terrible from a literary standpoint. But at the same time it’s immensely enjoyable to a large portion of the world.
You may debate if this means it’s a ‘good book’ or a ‘bad book’ all you like, but in the end it doesn’t actually matter. What does matter is the fact that it exists, and has become part of the current culture’s conscience.
The story is about some rich asshole who takes some naive girl under his shadow as his contractual slave with a bunch of fantasy BDSM and an abusive relationship. That’s about it. The BDSM is often nonsensical and dangerous, the relationship is unhealthy and abusive.
It’s important to understand that this book in no ways represents a healthy or consensual BDSM relationship. That’s pretty much everything you need to know about the book.
What 50 Shades of Grey means to you
Fifty shades has put the concept of alternative lifestyles, and sex, into the mainstream. It’s no longer completely taboo to be kinky, in fact it can be openly talked about in many vanilla crowds these days. This means it’s easier for anyone to be honest about who you are, and how you choose to live. Especially those in an alternative lifestyle.
As a result many new people are moving into the kink world, and are looking to explore.
If you are part of the new crowd, then it’s your responsibility to learn everything you need to know to be a good, safe, and responsible Dom. Don’t pull a Ghomeshi and assume you just get to do whatever you want, as long as you tell them you’re kinky. If you’re brand new to this world, here’s the one main tip for you to remember: talk, in detail, about everything you would like to do with your partner, well before you intend on doing it. That’s sort of the definition of consent.
If you are already in this world, it means we are now at a time where being honest about who you are, and how you like to play, is an attraction. But you need to be careful with this. Everyone who is in the BDSM world came into it as a newbie. Everyone had to start from zero. But with BDSM being almost fashionable, there are a lot of women out there who believe they want to experience this world, when in reality they just want to take stand in the doorway and watch.
For this reason you need to work twice as hard as you ever have communicating with any girls before you play, and you need to be very sure you are hearing the truth, no matter what the words she is saying. It’s not that a girl may be outright lying to you, the problem is she may not truly understand what it is she is saying, or asking for.
It is your job to introduce them to these things extremely slowly, and you need to constantly be checking in, and making sure she’s enjoying her situation. While this book, and movie, may be one of the best things to happen to single Dom men in a long time, it brings with it the need for caution.
Remember, as stupid as this is, the law is very clear: even with consent, almost any form of BDSM, especially anything which leaves marks, is considered assault. While I simply can not understand how it’s legal to give your consent to participate in a fighting sport, but not in your bedroom, that’s the way it is.
No matter what she says she wants, you want, or she thinks she wants, it’s on you to make sure she only gets what she needs.
So go ahead and enjoy having girls intrigued by your honesty: you are a dominant, kinky, man. Just beware the responsibility that comes with it.
P.S. Since a lot of you are going to be watching the Fifty Shades of Grey movie, I want to say that you shouldn’t model any of your techniques, or rope work, after what you see in this movie. That being said, the consultant they used for the BDSM and rigging on the film is an outstanding, capable, rigger and Dom, not to mention a really great guy. Please remember that the showrunners’ were concerned with making a movie that looked good to them, accuracy comes second.